Changes

It’s been over a year since I decided to start writing again.

I mean, truly writing. Writing for the joy of it. For the freedom of expression and the outpouring of my soul. For the relief of a long day and letting all out on paper (or computer screen). The last time I wrote was for last class in college. The last time I TRULY wrote…I can’t even remember.

Now it’s 2020, and I’ve made a lot of changes in my life since leading up to this point.

1. I cut off my hair. It was the scariest, and yet most liberating, action I had ever taken. I loved my hair. I found my self-worth in my hair. I associated my hair with my true beauty. Now I find beauty within myself in more ways than I had even considered before. To this day, I have no regrets.
2. I quit my job. For about a month after I graduated I was unemployed. Though it was only 4 weeks, it felt like an eternity. I was so wrapped up in the idea of getting a job immediately after graduation, especially since I was (and still am) going on a gap year, that I never took the time to enjoy my time off. I never appreciated the peace and familiarity of being with my family. I never took time to self reflect and just be. Once I got a job, I left after only four months just to end up back where I started. However, this time around, I’m in a better place than I was before. A place of gratitude and acceptance of the changing tides of my life. It’s the first time that I’m learning how to be ok with uncertainty. I’m learning to accept my current position and learn to be content in the unconventional. I’m no longer following the cookie cutter path I had set out for myself, and as anxious as it makes me feel, it’s also probably going to be the best thing that has ever happened to me.
3. The most important change: I’m writing again. I am not one to usually get in touch with her emotions. In fact, I’d say I’ve mastered the art of putting a cap on my feelings and storing them away for later processing. With writing, I’m forcing myself to feel again. To let whatever is inside out. To set myself free in the form of words. Truth be told….it feels like coming home.

I’ve declared 2020 to be the year of changes. The year where I start the new decade on a different level. Where I enter into a new mindset and learn more about myself that may come as a surprise. It is the year that I not only set out goals, but achieve them and beyond.

I’m accepting the changes in my life, as I know they will ultimately lead me to my true destiny. It’s an uncomfortable journey, but it’s necessary. I am ready.